A patient passed away the other day. An older person, seasoned with all life offers, surrounded by family and friends, yet still sudden, unavoidable, unexpected.
We just didn’t have enough time together.
The patient’s spouse said this, weeping, to a nurse.
They had been married over sixty-five years.
***
Those words have swirled around in my head since my colleague relayed them to me. Not enough time. Sixty-five years living life together in all its seasons, yet it wasn’t enough time. This family member’s words speak to the incredible depth of their lifetime love and marriage relationship — something we all aspire to — yet I think they have even more to teach us about our time here on this earth.
As I mull those words over, I wonder if they were spoken with any type of regret — but somehow I don’t think they were — they were spoken with the appropriate degree of mourning and devastation that comes from losing your life’s partner, a depth of loss I cannot begin to comprehend.
Those words came from a shattered heart which knew to be grateful for the time, but yet wanted more of it.
They came from a place of knowing what treasure had just been lost.
And as seeing death so closely usually does — it asked me questions —
About my time.
My treasure.
My days, hours, minutes, seconds.
I started to ponder — I would love to end my life with the thought that I want more time because instead of seeing that as a regret, I see that person’s words as a representation of a full life lived with so much love and life and fullness to it that they desired more of it.
I highly doubt their lives were picture perfect (because show me someone’s who is?), yet they longed for more life together.
That resonated with me –
In the challenges
In the mundane
In the joy
In the sorrow
In the smiles
In all these states — there is life. And each of these timeless emotions represent more than your current mood, they offer opportunities to create a life well lived.
When we reach the end of our lives — I hope we can say — I have no regrets, but oh, how I would love to have a few more days of this beautiful mess called life.
I’m so glad you wrote this – I’ve been pondering the same thing this week as a dear mentor lost her husband of 50 years. The perspective you shared is so valuable and inspires me to live today with more gratitude.
Thanks for sharing, Greer — it is such a neat perspective that this couple had. I’m sorry to hear of your mentor’s loss. What an inspiration people like her are for those of us newlyweds!
Beautifully written from a great perspective. Life is so wonderfully crazy and we should all want to live the most out of it.
I agree, Tina! Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
Would love to be able to say those words after 65 years of marriage to Kristen (assuming they were not filled with regret). Wow. That speaks to companionship in a way that all couples would long for. Thanks for sharing this, Jessica!
I agree 100%, Scott, I hope Russell and I can say the same — I’ve heard a lot of things while working at the hospital, but that phrase of wanting more time even after 60+ years definitely caught my attention. Thank you for reading — have a great week!